08.28
What’s up with all the rumors about an upcoming Apple tablet computer? Fake Steve Jobs blogs what might be the inside scoop.
Will it have a shiny surface so that Macolytes can adore themselves as they use it in public? (Yes. It must.) The tablet must look and feel not like something that was made by man — it must feel otherworldly, as if God himself made it and handed it to you.
Well, we got the ads worked out, and they’re amazing. We’ve also got the tutorial videos and how-tos, and what’s really cool is they show the Internet running at like a hundred times faster than in real life. The engineer dudes are like, Steve, you realize we can’t actually make a computer that goes this fast, right? Nonsense, I told them. You can and you will. They said, No, like, there are laws of physics involved here. So I sat there for a minute. I waited. They looked at me. Then I said, Okay, fine. You’re fired. So is your boss. They’re like, Our boss isn’t even here. I said, I don’t care, you’re all fired, now go back and fill out your paperwork and tell Papermaster to hire some engineers who can make my vision a reality.
We’ll get there, friends. Might not be ready in September. But we’ll get there. Peace.
